Moon struck

In rhythm, out of rhythm. Expansion and contraction. I’m out of rhythm right now, posting for the first time on a Tuesday because we were away over the holiday weekend. Now, with the tingly air of early morning, we move into a new season of our lives. Fall is in the leaves, Jordan started kindergarten, Oriah turns two tomorrow.

What a flurry of the end of summer, festival after festival, grandparent visit after grandparent visit, a whole summer of love tapering to an end. Just before Jordan’s school started I had a breakdown. I couldn’t handle one more hot day at home, the endless cleanup, the refereeing, the crying, the whining, the chasing….amazing how I could be on my feet all day at home, going from round of chores right into the next without a break. Something in me snapped, that Tuesday, the day before my son would go to school full time. I broke open, tears flowing, unable to stop the sadness, exhausting disappointment, frustration. I was sad I was not the mama I wanted to be, the one that learned cool regulating and validation strategies and therapeutic play, but instead I was the mother who yelled, barked, and issued ultimatum after ultimatum.

Jordan's first day of kindergarten

In the midst of my tears, my children tried to comfort me best they could. “You can have a break when you take a shower,” my son said. My daughter caressed my cheeks and patted my back.

I was out of rhythm, out of balance. What I needed, to be a better parent a few hours every day to myself to ground, to move, to reflect, to think an uninterrupted thought. Without a steady rhythm in our lives, one that took my needs in consideration as well, we were all running a little ragged.

Moon teaches us how to replenish, how to find the sweet spot, whether waxing or waning. A time for mothering, a time for self-nurturing. But also accepting when the cycles get a little wonky—when they tip more to one extreme of fullness or emptiness.

Even simply being aware of where you are in a cycle can help, whether you are bursting or draining fast. Recognizing your own depletion, and knowing how—and when—to shift your energy toward replenishment is a huge step.

What do you do when you find yourself losing your groove? How do you get it back?