In rhythm, out of rhythm. Expansion and contraction. I’m out of rhythm right now, posting for the first time on a Tuesday because we were away over the holiday weekend. Now, with the tingly air of early morning, we move into a new season of our lives. Fall is in the leaves, Jordan started kindergarten, Oriah turns two tomorrow.
What a flurry of the end of summer, festival after festival, grandparent visit after grandparent visit, a whole summer of love tapering to an end. Just before Jordan’s school started I had a breakdown. I couldn’t handle one more hot day at home, the endless cleanup, the refereeing, the crying, the whining, the chasing….amazing how I could be on my feet all day at home, going from round of chores right into the next without a break. Something in me snapped, that Tuesday, the day before my son would go to school full time. I broke open, tears flowing, unable to stop the sadness, exhausting disappointment, frustration. I was sad I was not the mama I wanted to be, the one that learned cool regulating and validation strategies and therapeutic play, but instead I was the mother who yelled, barked, and issued ultimatum after ultimatum.